Andries Bezuidenhout. Wat die emo kid toe met die duif gedoen het

Vir die meeste mense is die bestaan van “literal video’s” seker ou nuus. ʼn Vriend het ʼn paar maande gelede ʼn link aangestuur na so ʼn video – die rip off van Bonnie Tyler se “Total eclipse of the heart.” Ek lag nou nog oor die video, veral die skerp verwysings na Hogwarts en Lord of the flies, asook die “mullet with headlights.” Laasgenoemde beeld het ʼn hele kulturele revolusie veroorsaak, met T-hemde en dies meer om daarmee saam te gaan. Die video is in Mei 2009 op Youtube vrygestel en is binne ʼn paar dae deur meer as ʼn miljoen mense besigtig.

Die fenomeen van letterlike video’s het onstaan as reaksie op musiekvideo’s waarvan die beelde bitter min met die inhoud van die musiek te doen het. Mense wat hierdie video’s vervaardig kom ongelukkig gereeld te staan teen die kopiereg lawyers van platemaatskappye. Gelukkig is die wilde wye web so wild dat dit baie moeilik is om die anargiste heeltemal te keer.

Gaan kyk gerus na die “Eclipse” video hier. Dis nie verniet ʼn treffer nie.

Hier is die liriek. Iemand met baie tyd op hande het die moeite gedoen om dit te tik:

(Pan the room…)
Random use of candles, empty bottles and cloth,
and can you see me through this fan?
(Slo-mo dove…)
Creepy doll, a window, and what looks like a bathrobe.
Then, a dim-lit shot of dangling balls.
(Metaphor?)
Close-up of some candles and dramatically posing
then stock footage of a moon in the sky.
(Bottle shot.)
Messing up my close-up with a floating blue curtain.
Now let’s see who’s coming in from outside …

(Double doors open…)
Why aren’t I reacting in this shot?
(Ringo Starr? Lined eyes.)
Guess I should be acting but I’m not …

(Door’s ajar…)
Wander through a hall with doors that magically open
and this classroom has a fan …
(Open shirts…)
Now it’s getting creepy.
You can tell by my staring
it’s a long time since I’ve been with a man.
(Stupid chair …)
Emo Kid is throwing Slo-Mo Dove in my face,
I guess that means that he just flipped me the bird.
(Locker room …)
Staring at the swim team gets you killed by a gang
of dancing ninja men who know how to twirl.

(Spin around ninjas!)
Then a bunch of preppies make a toast.
(Drinking wine, douchebags!)
Most of it just ends up on the floor.

And they shouldn’t fence at night,
or they’re gonna hurt the gymnasts.
Why do they play football inside?
Here’s another shot of fencing.
And I’ve mostly been lit from behind.
Watch these shadows run off.

I walk onto a terrace, where I think I’m alone.
But Arthur Fonzarelli’s got an army of clones.
(Fonzie’s been cloned!)
They do the Macarena, but I’m still not impressed.
They beg for me to dance with them,
but not in this dress!
I’ll pose like Rocky tonight!
I’m running up a bunch of stairs.
(Strip football and surprise mirror!)

Here’s where I pretend to be Eva Peron.
Look at me, I’m lifting my arms.
There’s nothing else to shoot,
so zoom camera under this arch.

Leaning on myself ’cause there’s two of me here.
But now there’s only one in this shot.
I pull my feathered hair, whenever I see floating cloth.

**********
Oooh, oooh, ooooooooh, I gotta use the bathroom but the door’s locked. Can you help me?
I’ll open the door for you! HOOOOOOOAAAAAAH (phbbbbbbbt).
Oh, thank you, sir. How can I ever repay you?
How about a towel?
Hey, guys, check this out — waaaaah! Wait, it’s supposed to take the cloth and leave everything else on the table — I don’t know what happened, and it’s not like that, it’s the other way … no, stop, you’re making it worse!
Alright, which of you preppies put gold dust in my fencing mask?
Hah-hah.
Hey, this isn’t the ladies’ room!
**********

(Blind possessed choir boys…)
Get out of my way! I’ve gotta pee!
(Zombie cult?) Agggh! Flying altar boy!
Never mind, I just went on the floor!

Now I need to find a mop!
(Look at me now!)
Emo kid wears too much make-up.
Now, watch a bunch of half-naked guys–
(Hairless chests.)
…as they dance around in diapers.
And I’ve joined the Glee Club of the Damned.
(Reference joke!)
Look, the fog machine’s on!

What kind of private school would let in these kind of guys?
It started out as Hogwarts, now it’s Lord of the Flies!
(I hated that book.)
I’m swaying side to side.
These dancers need to stop.
The gayest man on earth would call this over the top!
I whip my head to the right!
I’ll never go to church again.
(I think I lost a contact lens.)

When did spazzing out qualify as a dance?
Kneeling like I want to throw up.
What the effing crap?
That angel just felt me up!

Here’s a line of guys,
I was wearing a dress.
But now they’ve got me wearing a suit.
One kid’s running late,
I think he’s too young for this school.
I’m totally shaking his hand.

Mullet with headlights?
Over-surprised guy.
Weirded out.
Oooh-wooooh-ooooh.

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Een Kommentaar op “Andries Bezuidenhout. Wat die emo kid toe met die duif gedoen het”

  1. Desmond :

    Van al die “literal videos” wat ek al gesien het, is hierdie een inderdaad die beste. Vernuftig en totaal en al histeries snaaks.

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